"I Give God 10%, Why Should I Give You 18?"

This week's post has to do with a recent news article involving an Applebee's employee and a not so charitable person to her fellow man, Pastor.

Now, this is a common 'fence' issue between those who have worked in the industry, and the ignorant fucks who have not serviced their fellow man, not once, in their lives. I have heard both sides of the story on this, and while I do admit that I am biased because of being an industry Goon myself, I do understand some folk's wariness for automatic gratuity being added to a bill.

Now, for those who are against automatic tip of any kind, most restaurants  such as Applebee's, add in the AutoGrat on parties of 6-8 or larger as a precaution for the server to not get royally fucked over. Now, I have worked in some places where there was no AutoGrat to save your ass, and you could have a party of, say, 12, the total tab well over $200, and being left with a lofty $10 tip. And said asswipes would think that that was a decent handout for services rendered...

If you are one of these fucktards, stop reading this blog now. Yeah, right now. Fuck you.

By common decency and unwritten law, by every moral encounter one can come up with, in America, one should tip based off the total amount of the bill. The general rule is 15-18% for your server, and 20%+ for your bartender. That is, if the Goon does a good job of taking care of you. I am by no means saying that if the Goon fucks up everything under the sun, including drink/food orders, fails to pre-bus/keep the table clean, bitches and whines about their miserable job and life, then fuck that guy... I have literally, only once in my life thank you, taped 2 pennies to a receipt as a tip, and proceeded to list all the things said GoonFuckUpNumberOne did to piss me off. And, being a Goon myself, you have to be a royal fuck up for me to get that angry. I generally sympathize with a slight lack in service, because let's face it, not everyone has been in the industry as long as some of us, and may not have perfected their skills yet. But, if you just plain suck, then that 20-50% tip from me goes right out the window.

Anyhoo, back to our main point: AutoGrats on large parties are a very common thing. No one in this country who was born and raised here is a stranger to it, so why do people get so pissed off when they see that auto tip? I have heard such excuses from customers as:

"Well, if you didn't add in the automatic tip, I would have given you waaaaay more. It's an insult to your customer to think they would not tip you..."

Said asshat would continue to bitch and complain, sign the tab without leaving anything extra on the Additional Tip line, and exit the premise with a full belly and a haughty disposition. This has happened to me FAR more times than I can count, and you know what? It's just fine with me. I got my 18%.

Yeah, that asshole who claims, "I would have tipped you more..." Fuck that guy. I call bullshit. He would have left a $3 on a $30 tab and have been done with it. 9 times out of 10, the asshole who says he would have tipped you more is lying through their Gorram teeth, just wanting something to bitch about and someone to bitch at, because you know why? Their life probably sucks ass and that is the little bit of power play they will get in their day to day. And they get away with it, Why? Because they are the Patrons, and we are the Goons. So what do we do with these assholes? Put a policy on our menus saying that 'Parties over 8 people will receive an Automatic Gratuity of 18% added to each guest's check."

Booyah. Problem solved. The Goons don't get fucked over, and the patron is not forced to tip way more than he should feel comfortable. Key word being 'should.'

Now, as to this incident in St. Louis with the Applebee's and the Pastor...

Fuck.
That.
Bitch.

While I do have to admit that posting a photo of the receipt online was a Big No No, the BitchPastor deserved it. If it were me, I definitely would have been ranting on Facebook after I got home from work after that shitty slap in the face. All the PastorBitch had to do, if it REALLY bothered her that much, was sign the tab with no extra tip and be done with it. If she even more so had her panties in a wad, she should have taken her outrage to Corporate, as it is after all, a Company Policy to AutoGrat large parties. It was NOT the waitress's fault, and to be a snarky TitWad and write it all over the Merchant Copy of your receipt taking it out on a  hapless Goon just doing her job...
Fuck You.
And further more, using God as an excuse for your actions?
Fuck You Right Up Your Religious Ass.

After reading the article posted on Yahoo News and watching the Video, the Pastor seems like a halfwit anyway. "I give God 10%, why should I give you 18?"
You wanna know why?
Because Applebee's says so.
And it's the decent Goddam thing to do.
Not write a snarky complaint slapping the server in the face.
Fuck. You.

Nothing in the article was said about the quality of service, but I am assuming it was okay since everyone else at the table tipped a little extra over the AutoGrat. Therefore, I am concluding the service did not suck enough to render her such a remark on the receipt.

To top it all off, it was not even the server who got fired, but her friend who snapped the photo and posted it online. I can understand her termination, because yeah, that sucks. But then again, a Goon job is a dime a Fucking dozen. Fuck that place. Go get another job tomorrow and be done with it.

As far as I am concerned, Chelsea Welch, former emplyee of Applebee's in St. Louis, Cheers to You Girl.
Fuck that cheap poser, illiterate, ignorant Fuckwad of a person using God as an excuse to fuck you over. Hold your head high girl. We all support you.

From one Goon to another, we all get stiffed sometimes, and desire to take retaliation against said fucktard who screwed us over, and most of the time, said retaliation gets us nothing but personal satisfaction and the loss of employment.
But you know what?
It was fucking worth it.

Read full Yahoo News article here: http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/applebees-waitress-fired-pastor-receipt-193820748.html