The Liquid Ninjas

This post has to do with a recent "incident" I had the other day with a bartending forum known as The Liquid Ninjas. This particular group is a pretty well known Bartending clan based in Texas and the Houston area. Members post anything from when shifts are available, to knowledge and leads on employment opportunities, as well as stories (bitch rants) from bartenders who had a not so great night at work. The forum is become more popular as of late with a select group of core members completely taking over the forum with an "if you do not hang out with us, you do not exist" nature. At least it seems that way to me after my most recent experience with one of their admins. Mostly, I have noticed before this incident that the forum is just clogged with people spamming whatever the hell they like to post, most of it unintelligent, less than colorful, bitching about their job or how shitty customers can be. While I do sympathize to an extent, it seems as though this forum has become the Black Booty Video of forums on Facebook, showing nothing but how stupid people can really be. Their promoting antics are terrible, as well as language used shows that the average IQ is well below par.

Now, you may think I am being a bit harsh in my saying this, but this was my opinion of the group some time before having my run in with Mr. Admin. Actually, I thought of leaving the group many months before, but decided to leave it in the background as I do have some very good friends I have known over the years that seem pretty active with these "Ninjas." (If you take offense to the following, I am terribly sorry, but my experience is very viable in reaching my own personal conclusion.) Now, I do not regularly mix with many members of the group since I do not work the Downtown Club scene any longer (those days in my Goon career are long behind me) so it was no surprise to me that this Admin I had a run in with treated me like I was yesterday's garbage when I had the bright idea, "Hey! I have a Bartending Blog, this is a Bartender's Forum, Maybe some of these folks will like to read my stuff!"

You think this would be an intelligent idea on my part...

You would be wrong.

After my most recent posting in "The Corner Bar Theory," I shared the link to my personal Facebook profile, as I always do, as well as had the idea to share the story with the Liquid Ninjas group.

Very shortly afterwards, I got a somewhat snarky message from Mr. Admin basically telling me that my post was not welcome; that I "needed to ask first."

I'm sorry... What?


Following is a detailed Play by Play of the conversation that followed with Mr. Admin, and my side remarks, i.e., What I Was Really Thinking.

This should be fun. :)







This comment makes sense. Remember the "clogging" I mentioned earlier? It would make sense to me that they would want to run a clean site.



















My comment basically saying that My Stories will do your site nothing but good. They are fun stories, and should be a breath of fresh air to the trash littering your forum.













His reply is basically a "Fuck You, who do you think you are?" And I also believe he is accusing me of using the Forum as a base to lure in more subscribers. Which, FuckYouVeryMuch, was not my intention at all. I do plan to publish "The Corner Bar Theory" in the future, but only after I have enough material written down, then compiled and edited to be released in one complete volume. For this guy, I should have said, "It's gonna be a book fuck nut, chillax. I'm not trying to steal yo rap yo."

















Oh! Now he realizes the point of what I was trying to do! *gets dog biscuit ready*

Wait, just kidding... What was it he said there? "I would love to read your stuff." Great! "But I want your stuff to be exclusive to my group."
'Say wha'???

Obviously, this fidiot has no idea how the internet works...













Me trying to explain to him how this thing called the Internet works. You write something, you share. No biggie.
My average posts are around 1500-2000 words, and yes, that would be an eyesore of a Facebook post. Hence, why I have the Blog. plus, with a Blog format, I can make it look all pretty and stuff with these things called Format, and Spacing, and Organization.
All of my stories, any single one of them, packed into one Facebook post would be nothing but a wall of text, ugly to the eye, and no one would want to read it because of the headache that would surely ensue.
Yeah, I'm trying to do you a favor, Dude.










Oh wait, I think he is trying to make me feel bad about not wanting to be "exclusive" with him... Is he trying to ask me to 'Go Steady?' Sorry, but you are not my type...

But I did share, and he didn't like it at first. What changed?
And, the "Good Luck!" I am pretty sure means, "Fuck You." So, of course I wish him one back. ;)
Fidiot.














Yeah, the peak of your idiocy, and my patience for that matter, has been reached, Mr. Admin.
Impasse, we have indeed reached.












So, after reading through the convo yourselves, you can see why I held nothing back in my earlier prognosis of the way this guy runs his forums. So, of course, since I have a Blog, I get to bitch about it, intelligently of course. :)

Basically what I got from the entire thing was this:

AdminDick: "I don't know who you are, nor did I read your blog before deciding to delete your post and ban you from my site, but now that you have laid it out for me like the four-year-old I am, you have a really good idea there! I want exclusive rights to it, you can't share it with anyone else, and you get absolutely nothing for it in return, other than the prestige of being a Liquid Ninjas writing slave, which I may not even give you credit for in the future."



Me: "You're a fucking idiot, son!" *chunksdeuce*






So, yeah.

This is my experience with the Liquid Ninjas.
They reserve the right to be a cliquey bunch of D-bags who will not look at you before tossing you aside. (I mean this in the strictest case of the Admins, not the members, who for the most part, are innocent, and those who read my stuff seemed to like it, Thank you for that. Seriously.) But, if this is how your group is going to be run, then I feel for you. Sorry you won't get to see my stories, or be able to contribute yours, as I do take submissions from fellow BarGoons, but your Admin has made it very clear that I am not welcome on your land. Instead of possible positive promotional value that could have been had by teaming up with me, the forum has now earned nothing but negativity from this particular party. The big difference on why you should give a flying fuck? Because I may be published someday, and I will not be bleeping out any names in this instance to save face.
You done fucked yourself there Buddy. :)

Thanks, Alfonso Chable, for being a Dick, and Not knocking me down, but rather Fueling my Fire even more to succeed.
I guess people like me need people like you to remember why I do this in the first place.
For 'Merica.
And because I think it's funny.

You're welcome.

A Not So Happy Ending

In honor of our most recently passed Lover's holiday, this week's edition has to do with a Love Story. Although, this particular tale is one of woe versus a Happily Ever After. I decided to document this story over another because being in the bar business, on Valentine's Day, most couples are off doing Couply things like dinner, movie, or whatever other romantic plan, leaving the stragglers and the Broken Hearted to wander into my bar to drown a bit of their sorrows away. Such is the tale of one gentlemen as he told it to me a few days ago.

Now, this story begins last week when I was working my usual Tuesday shift during Happy Hour, a man walks up by himself and orders a beer. Nothing out of the norm in this situation. This happens a lot during Happy Hour: lonesome man just getting off work, into the Pub for a bit and a few beers before hitting the homestead. Normal. After a few minutes of him sipping his beer and me lolling about, (there usually is not much for me to do customer wise between 5 and 7) the Poor Sap begins to talk to me. He opens with, "You know, this is the first time I have been in a bar in almost a year."
Me: "Orly? Why is that?"
Sap: "Well, it's kinda a long story."
Me: *looks around at mostly empty bar* "I'm sure I have time. Lay it on me."
Sap: "It all started about a year and a half ago. I came to this bar and was having a few drinks after work when I noticed this young lady sitting in the corner over there by herself(points to end of bar by window), shivering a bit. It was kind of chilly outside (this is a patio bar btw) and I consider myself gentleman, so I went over to her and offered her to use my jacket. Nothing strange. I wasn't trying to pick her up or anything, I just couldn't sit there with a girl obviously uncomfortable. She asks me to sit down and we do end up talking for a few hours. And she was really nice. We decided to meet up again later in the week over coffee. She was a really nice girl, it turned out after a few dates, and we ended up dating within a month. Now, she never asked me to pay for anything. In fact, I had to battle with her pretty hard in the beginning to pay the tab anywhere we went  She always wanted to pay half, and me being the nice guy I am, I can't have that. We didn't even sleep together until a few weeks of seeing each other. After several months, she took me to meet her parents in (Boston I think it was?) and they seemed like really nice folks. Everything was going perfectly. We even got engaged. She had a key to my house and was planning to move in with me.
One morning I woke up to get ready for work and couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. She was getting ready to go out of town for some business trip, and acted as if everything was normal, but I just couldn't shake this feeling that something was up. I went to work, and I work long hours sometimes, and came home that evening to find my house cleaned out. She took all of her stuff, and even some of mine too.
I was robbed blind.
She took expensive jewelry that had been passed down from my grandmother  the extra Go-cash I kept hidden in the house, expensive pieces of art that I had collected, even some of my really nice suits. Of course she kept the $10,000 engagement ring I gave to her. She even took some of my more expensive guns.
When I went to check her apartment, thinking at first that I had been robbed randomly, I found out that her address was fake. Not only that, but her phone number was disconnected, and her job was false also. At this point, I am not even sure if the parents I met were real."
(Poor Sap shook his head in disbelief)
"I was totally had. I have never felt so betrayed in my life."

My jaw hit the fucking Floor after he told me this. HOLY MOLY! This is like some movie type shit! You never hear of stuff like this happening in real life!

He proceeded to tell me that after she took him for everything he had, he tried to file police reports and take her to court, but of course she didn't show, so he could not press any real charges because he had no real proof it was her. She was practically living with him after all, so her prints were everywhere. He had no hard evidence to present against her since she had a key to the house. She even stole his truck to cart his shit away in.

FUCK-IN-A man!!! I still cannot believe this! Even as I am writing it down.

He then said that also shortly after the incident, his friends, and her friends as well, came to him with things like, "I didn't want to say anything before, but I just didn't trust her. I should have told you she was bad news..."

REALLY GUYS?!?! You wait until AFTER she robs him blind to come to him with that shit? Great fucking friends you are...
The Poor Sap continued to drink his beer. Of course I bought him another one, because yeah, I felt horribly bad for the guy. And it was Valentines Week, so I am sure he was in an even darker place than usual. The man was so turned off from human beings that he refused to go out socially for almost a year after the event.
I gave him my sympathy, and reassured him that she must have been a professional. It is rare, things like this happening, but it does happen, and from what he told me, the SuperBitch knew exactly what she was doing.

Sit in a bar, look vulnerable, but still appear to have an air of confidence. Get in reeeeaaal good with some super nice guy, really drag out the relationship until he completely trusts you, then take him for all he is worth when he least expects it. Skip town, rinse, repeat.

He even said that he looked her up in police records and found that she had a record in several counties, including Brazoria. She was on probation in a couple too. All for theft.
This was not her first rodeo.

I have seen women at the bar all the time, busting out their boobs and raising their skirts a few inches to get free drinks, but FUCK man! I have never seen this happen before. And in my own bar!

The Sap left after beer three, I told him to keep his chin up, that it could have happened to anybody, and to not knock himself down so bad for it. I thanked him for coming in, and wished him well, and to stay away from single ladies at the bar.

I ALWAYS tell doods to not take a girl seriously you meet in a bar, because YOU MET HER IN A FUCKING BAR! But this? Oh man.... He got fucked twenty ways to Sunday with no Happy Ending waiting for him at the finish line.

So, my advice to anyone, either male or female, about a significant other prospect you may pick up in a bar:
You can take 'em home and fuck 'em, but don't take 'em home to meet your parents.

99% of the time, they are not worth anything more than a good drunk lay.
You want to meet a nice girl?
Go to Barnes and Noble.

"I Give God 10%, Why Should I Give You 18?"

This week's post has to do with a recent news article involving an Applebee's employee and a not so charitable person to her fellow man, Pastor.

Now, this is a common 'fence' issue between those who have worked in the industry, and the ignorant fucks who have not serviced their fellow man, not once, in their lives. I have heard both sides of the story on this, and while I do admit that I am biased because of being an industry Goon myself, I do understand some folk's wariness for automatic gratuity being added to a bill.

Now, for those who are against automatic tip of any kind, most restaurants  such as Applebee's, add in the AutoGrat on parties of 6-8 or larger as a precaution for the server to not get royally fucked over. Now, I have worked in some places where there was no AutoGrat to save your ass, and you could have a party of, say, 12, the total tab well over $200, and being left with a lofty $10 tip. And said asswipes would think that that was a decent handout for services rendered...

If you are one of these fucktards, stop reading this blog now. Yeah, right now. Fuck you.

By common decency and unwritten law, by every moral encounter one can come up with, in America, one should tip based off the total amount of the bill. The general rule is 15-18% for your server, and 20%+ for your bartender. That is, if the Goon does a good job of taking care of you. I am by no means saying that if the Goon fucks up everything under the sun, including drink/food orders, fails to pre-bus/keep the table clean, bitches and whines about their miserable job and life, then fuck that guy... I have literally, only once in my life thank you, taped 2 pennies to a receipt as a tip, and proceeded to list all the things said GoonFuckUpNumberOne did to piss me off. And, being a Goon myself, you have to be a royal fuck up for me to get that angry. I generally sympathize with a slight lack in service, because let's face it, not everyone has been in the industry as long as some of us, and may not have perfected their skills yet. But, if you just plain suck, then that 20-50% tip from me goes right out the window.

Anyhoo, back to our main point: AutoGrats on large parties are a very common thing. No one in this country who was born and raised here is a stranger to it, so why do people get so pissed off when they see that auto tip? I have heard such excuses from customers as:

"Well, if you didn't add in the automatic tip, I would have given you waaaaay more. It's an insult to your customer to think they would not tip you..."

Said asshat would continue to bitch and complain, sign the tab without leaving anything extra on the Additional Tip line, and exit the premise with a full belly and a haughty disposition. This has happened to me FAR more times than I can count, and you know what? It's just fine with me. I got my 18%.

Yeah, that asshole who claims, "I would have tipped you more..." Fuck that guy. I call bullshit. He would have left a $3 on a $30 tab and have been done with it. 9 times out of 10, the asshole who says he would have tipped you more is lying through their Gorram teeth, just wanting something to bitch about and someone to bitch at, because you know why? Their life probably sucks ass and that is the little bit of power play they will get in their day to day. And they get away with it, Why? Because they are the Patrons, and we are the Goons. So what do we do with these assholes? Put a policy on our menus saying that 'Parties over 8 people will receive an Automatic Gratuity of 18% added to each guest's check."

Booyah. Problem solved. The Goons don't get fucked over, and the patron is not forced to tip way more than he should feel comfortable. Key word being 'should.'

Now, as to this incident in St. Louis with the Applebee's and the Pastor...

Fuck.
That.
Bitch.

While I do have to admit that posting a photo of the receipt online was a Big No No, the BitchPastor deserved it. If it were me, I definitely would have been ranting on Facebook after I got home from work after that shitty slap in the face. All the PastorBitch had to do, if it REALLY bothered her that much, was sign the tab with no extra tip and be done with it. If she even more so had her panties in a wad, she should have taken her outrage to Corporate, as it is after all, a Company Policy to AutoGrat large parties. It was NOT the waitress's fault, and to be a snarky TitWad and write it all over the Merchant Copy of your receipt taking it out on a  hapless Goon just doing her job...
Fuck You.
And further more, using God as an excuse for your actions?
Fuck You Right Up Your Religious Ass.

After reading the article posted on Yahoo News and watching the Video, the Pastor seems like a halfwit anyway. "I give God 10%, why should I give you 18?"
You wanna know why?
Because Applebee's says so.
And it's the decent Goddam thing to do.
Not write a snarky complaint slapping the server in the face.
Fuck. You.

Nothing in the article was said about the quality of service, but I am assuming it was okay since everyone else at the table tipped a little extra over the AutoGrat. Therefore, I am concluding the service did not suck enough to render her such a remark on the receipt.

To top it all off, it was not even the server who got fired, but her friend who snapped the photo and posted it online. I can understand her termination, because yeah, that sucks. But then again, a Goon job is a dime a Fucking dozen. Fuck that place. Go get another job tomorrow and be done with it.

As far as I am concerned, Chelsea Welch, former emplyee of Applebee's in St. Louis, Cheers to You Girl.
Fuck that cheap poser, illiterate, ignorant Fuckwad of a person using God as an excuse to fuck you over. Hold your head high girl. We all support you.

From one Goon to another, we all get stiffed sometimes, and desire to take retaliation against said fucktard who screwed us over, and most of the time, said retaliation gets us nothing but personal satisfaction and the loss of employment.
But you know what?
It was fucking worth it.

Read full Yahoo News article here: http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/applebees-waitress-fired-pastor-receipt-193820748.html