When I first started out, I was 18 years old. I had been promoted to the bar after only being a server for a few months at my first slave driving institution, TGI Friday's. One of my regular shifts was Friday, Day, Front Bar. The layout of the restaurant was fairly large with the bar being elevated from the bottom floor which was non-smoking at the time, and surrounded by an even higher section, the smoking booths. The bar was four sided and provided ample viewing pleasure from my perspective of all kinds of Shenanigans. On one particular Friday, after the lunch rush had died down and I was pursuing my normal routine of stocking and preparing the bar for the night shift, three rather large and intimidating men in business attire saunter up to the bar. When I say large, I mean like 6'5", built, badass looking Motha Fuckas. These doods looked more like wrestlers than business professionals. Goddamm.
Now, mind you, when I say that the Lunch Rush had passed, I mean that there was literally No One in the entire place except for employees. If you have worked in the industry, you know what I mean when I say the place cleared out by 2pm. Everyone is back at work, and it's not quite Happy Hour, or quitting time for the "normal working stiffs," so the restaurant is quite barren for at least a couple hours. Most of our clientele at this time of day consisted of businessmen/women and working professionals, so the money was usually very good. They would come In, lunch, possibly a mild cocktail, omnom, tip generously, and out within an hour. This was the routine for 90% of the customers that came in, and was a normal occurrence for weekday shifts.
Imagine, me, a young, beautiful, quite naive new bartender trying to take in the sheer appearance of what has just walked its way into my bar scene looking at these three enormous men dressed in Armani. Some shit is about to go down, I know it!
I proceed over to the three gentlemen and do the usual spiel, "Hi, how are you guys, yadda yadda... What can I get for y'all today?"
One of the guys breaks away from the laughing and conversation (these guys looked pretty peppy and excited btw) and orders, "Three shots of your most bottom of the barrel tequila. I mean the super cheap, well rack shit, in dirty glasses, with the salt and limes on the side. It's very important that the tequila be raunchy and the glasses unwashed."
Quite abashed, and after trying to suggest that they at least use clean glassware, (eeew germs much?) my pleading is to no avail, and I give in to the "Customer is Always Right" mentality that I possessed at the time, and proceeded to line up the order.
The guys take the salt and poor it onto the bar and proceed to make what resembles little coke lines out of it, and take straws and cut them in half so they are shortened.
They look quite excited about what is about to happen, and I look like a deer in headlights. I am so fucking confused at this point...
They each take a shot glass, say some toast that I cannot recall, but it was super congratulatory, cheers each other, knock the shot glasses on the bar, Snort the salt, take the shot, and squeeze the lime in their right eye.
....
What in the holy Godfuck just happened!?!?
Seriously...
What. The. Fuck.
My jaw literally hits the floor and they are cheering and chest bumping like hyper apes! Oh my fucking GOD what is going on?? I must have looked like a truck was about to hit me as one of the men turns to me, with a giant grin, unable to open his right eye, tells me everything is okay, and to please line up another round.
What??? Another round? WTF??
Okay...?
So, I do so, and do so again, and again...
These crazy mother fuckers continue to take shots and make a jolly riot for about 30 minutes, taking shots, chest bumping, high fiving, cheering like merry idiots! Holy shitballs, Batman, this is fucking weird!
They rack up about a 60-70 dollar tab, close out, and tip me $150.
Holy shit.
I am sooooo fucking confused...
The three doods leave the bar in even higher spirits than when they entered, high fiving, cheering, and having a grand 'ole time, and meanwhile, I am trying to scrape the remnants of my sanity off the bartop as I attempt try to process what in the holy hell just happened!!
To this day, it is still clear as yesterday's breakfast what happened, because it is ONE OF THE WEIRDEST THINGS I HAVE EVER FUCKING SEEN!!!
I mentioned earlier that our usual Day clientele consisted of business professionals, so money was usually pretty good, even for a dayside shift. But $150 from three guys I have never seen before (had worked there for 2.5 years already as a hostess and other things before moving to the bar) and never saw again? I thought Surely, I had to have imagined it, when I noticed that after they left, the rest of the staff still on for that day were huddled in a booth upstairs watching the whole scenario. They were equally as confused as I was... "Holy shit, Lollie! What was that? Who were they? What the fuck..."
*pauses and breathes for dynamic emphasis*
It wasn't until years later as I was rehashing the event to someone else, another customer at another bar, that my speculations were confirmed Another industry regular heard my story, and piped up from down the bar, "Wait! That happened to me too! It was the weirdest fucking thing I have ever seen!"
I'm like, "I know right! I'M NOT CRAZY, YAY! Someone else has seen it too!!" As we share stories, sure enough, the same exact thing happened to him as well...
Holy shit. So it is a real thing. Thank God, because I was thinking that these mofos were absolutely insane!
And, it wasn't until last week, when, yet again, I am telling the story to another customer, in my current place of employment, the story of the craziest thing I have ever seen behind the bar, a good friend and bar regular pipes up, "Yeah, I know what that is. It has a name. The Pain of Glory. Businessmen will do this when they land a huge deal." * he smiles*
Now mind you, this is the one person on the planet that I would expect to know what this is, because Of fucking Course he would know what this is with all the crazy shit He has done! Huzzah!! I laughed my ass off when he told me, and felt further comfort that I was not completely insane and dreamt the whole bit eleven years ago...
But still...
To this day...
By far...
The. Weirdest. Shit. I. Have. Ever. Witnessed.
The Pain of Glory.
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