There are many objects that might go into your typical ashtray sitting upon the bar. Most common being crushed butts or cig wrappers. Trash of most any kind, the tiny kind of course. But, the ONE thing, the ONE EFFING THING that gets on my nerves more than anything?
Fucking finding gum in the ashtray.
Yes, I said gum. FUCKING GUM!
Chewed, used, sticky, mouth cootified gum, from like someone else's mouth! Ew!
Now, some people have the kind decency to at least wrap there disposed chew-able treat into a napkin before throwing it in my mini trash can, but, sadly, not everyone is a decent human being it seems.
When did it become habit to place one's used Trident onto random objects? The stuff is gross, for one thing, and absolutely terrible for your teeth and gums, despite what the ads want you to believe. (Damn the man!) But, seriously? Why do people find the weirdest ways to dispose of this disgusting wanna-be food thing? It gets stuck to the bottom of tables, chairs, bathroom walls, regular walls, random hidden, but not so hidden, corners, bedposts, rims of glassware, sidewalks, streets, signs, FUCKING ASHTRAYS, and other random areas? I am honestly baffled by this gesture of disposal. Normally, one would find, oh, I don't know, a trash can? Like a real one? To throw things away? But no, douchebags, male and female, and even minion sized, take some kind of sick pleasure in spitting their chewing gum out of the window of a moving vehicle, only for it to splatter on the person driving behind them's windshield. Or, fuckbags are casually walking down the street, look left, look right, trying to be all stealth and shit, then spit out their disgusting big chew on the sidewalk for nice people like me to step on whilst wearing my good heels.
....
I mean, really. Is it so hard? To properly throw something away?
No, it's sure as shit not.
So, when I see a wadded up spit ball of naked gum sitting in the corner, stuck to the bottom of the poor little ashtray I just dumped butts out of into the real trash can, steam starts rising, escaping through my eardrums, flaring out of my nose, my face turns a shade of beet red, blood vessels burst in the whites of my eyes, and I let out a thunderous roar of aggravated disgust as I am the fucking one who has to grab a napkin and attempt to remove the chewed up wad that has by now soaked up ash and all manner of other things whilst supergluing itself to the bottom of my ashtray. *deep breath*
*attempts to calm self down*
Woooooosssaaaaaahhhh...
For real though, it does make me want to scream. This one act of idiocy by the large populous of bar hoppers. It pisses me off that people treat public establishments as their own personal waste receptacle. This includes all manner of other things, things that I have to clean up because I am the workhorse: Vomit, dog waste, spit piles, kid's pee, grown up pee, poo, marker on the walls, poo on the walls (yes, this happened, in the women's restroom no less), mud on the floor, spilled drinks, blood, and gum, gum fucking stuck to all manner of every fucking where.
Do I go into your house or job and throw up, shit on the walls, and spit on your floor?? No, but the way some people treat my bar, my place of employment and sole source of income? Makes me want to track the fuckers down and become each and every one of their personal toddler. I can act like a 2-year-old just as well as any little person. Let's see how you like it, fuckwads!!
I'm going to take a whole pack of gum, chew the fuck out of that shit, and take it out of my mouth and proceed to stamp it your fucking forehead. How's that for recompense?
Jesus.
So, please, for the love of all that could possibly not be a problem in this world, throw your chewy shit away properly. I think I speak for all Bar Goons around the globe when I say:
We are fucking sick of cleaning up after you.
