Peev'd

Okay, I get it. I work at a bar that allows smoking. While it is a patio bar, and for the most part, airs itself out, I still catch myself eye twitching in frustration at the habits of the smoking community.

And yes, I am a non smoker. I know. It's rare in my profession, but we do exist.
And yes, I also realize that I choose to be here, in this environment, surrounding myself with potential cancer patients, chiefing it up around me. I could easily be working in some boring office somewhere, pushing papers, taking orders from 'the man', and I would be living smoke free. Yup.
But, let's be honest, most people who work in that type of field hate their job. And quite frankly, at entry level, which is what I would start out as, and remain so for several years into my career,  just don't make as much money as I do slinging drinks. There are statistics that prove my point. Look them up if you don't believe me. That's what Google is for.

Back to the point...

This does not bother me for the most part, working in a smoking environment, as generally, people are courteous about their habits. By such I am referring to the blessed fact that people who smoke, when around someone who does not smoke, will avidly try to not blow smoke directly in the face or general direction of the non-smoker. How badass is this? Fucking badass if you have been around smokers as long as I have, as this development has only become the social norm in the last few years.

In this day and age, smoking has almost done a complete 180 since the 50's when you weren't 'cool' unless you smoked. "Only squares don't smoke, or drink, or, ya know, jump off bridges when everyone else is doing it."

Fucking idiots.

But I do have to give it to the poor saps who got sucked into such a terrible addiction, as back then,  no one knew it was bad for you, or could potentially kill you.

Now a days, however, such is not the case. There is no excuse for a smoker today. The warnings are out there, yet we still do it. Creatures of habit? Of course we are.

Now, this is not to say that I am some holy Guru who has never smoked a day in my life. I have. I used to smoke, years ago, back in the days when I was all about what everyone else was doing. (Thank god my friends weren't into suicide bridge jumps...) Yeah, I was young, 18-19, hot headed, and very much into whatever was 'cool' as far as my peers were concerned.
This is very big turn around from the girl I was growing up. I lived in my own gorram bubble.
I was the goody-two-shoes in high school. Never doing anything, drinking, drugs, sex, even cursing, until I was upwards of 17. Yup, I was that girl. The typical girl next door. Pretty, smart, virgin, untouchable. Until... March of my Senior year in high school. One day I woke up, and let's just say, I got curious...
March was a very interesting year in 2002.

I did eeerthang...
In one month.

Smoked my first cigarette.
Took my first drink. Got drunk for the first time.
Smoked weed for the first time.
Took ecstasy for the first time.
And lost my virginity.

I guess you could say I was very curious.

After that, I learned how to moderate things. I come from a background of drug addicts and alcoholics littering every corner of my family tree, so I did not want to even think about going down the same road. I was smart about my partying. If there is such a thing. Never did anything to the point where I 'had to keep doing it' or did anything by myself with no one else around. I was a social butterfly. So, when it came to smoking cigarettes, I only did so when I was drinking, or at work, back in the days before the smoking ban hit Houston when we could still take smoke breaks inside the building in the back. And that was pretty much the only way you could get a break at work is if you smoked. If you didn't, it looked weird to the higher ups  if you were just sitting around and hanging out. They saw it as you just being lazy.
Fucked up conclusion if you ask me...

So, I estimate I smoked on average, a pack a week.

This continued for a couple years, before one day, I woke up and decided I didn't want to do it anymore. And I stopped buying packs of my own. Yeah, I still had drunken spouts that if I was around it, I would bum one. And I can honestly say, years and years down the road, from time to time, drunk me still thinks it might be a good idea to pair my alcoholic beverage with a tasty smokey treat.

Then, sober me wakes up the next morning, throat on fire, voice raspy as shit, and nothing but regret on my plate.

"Dammit, Drunk Me! Why would you do that?!" I would scream at myself in the mirror.
She's a bitch sometimes. Selfish whore...

Anyhoo.
The point of all this blabber is to iterate that I do understand the desire to smoke. I understand the way it makes you feel, that is feels good when you are drinking. The two just seem to go hand in hand for most people.
I also understand that it is terrible for you, and have made a decision, thankfully, to not become addicted to such a habit. I mean, let's face it. For the most part, it's just not attractive.

So I truly am grateful for those patrons who come into my bar and sit down in front of me and actively try and not blow their smokey exhale in my direction. It astounds me, the courtesy. I thank you all. ^^

BUT!!! And the reason for this rant... (I told you I would be getting to the point at some interval, Here it is.)

Is those flippin' douchewads who when they put out their buts in the tray, DO NOT PUT IT OUT ALL THE WAY!!!!

Omfg! Nothing gets on my peeves more than having to take a tray and dump it, squirt water over the ashes in the trash can so a fucking fire doesn't start and burn down my place of employment.

Fucking Christ! (Yeah, all that blabber beforehand was just a warm up. A kind introduction to seduce you into reading the rest of my rant. Kind of like a sandwich theory. I lure you in with kind words and sympathetic gestures, then I BLAM! Bash you with your bad habits! But wait, I will make you feel better about it at the end. Keep reading.)

Is it really that hard? To completely put out your effing cigarette properly?? 

NO IT'S FUCKING NOT!

Lemme sing you a song of how it's done.

(Played in the tune of happy-go-lucky reggae mixed with kiddy-tunes)

'You take da butt-a in your hand-a
And you Pinch-a, and you Pinch-a! 

Take the butt-a in your hand-a
And Smutha out de tip.

'You take da butt-a in your hand-a
And you Squish-a, and you Squisha!
You take da butt-a in your hand-a
And de smoke, it goes out!'

See? It's so simple! I cannot tell you how many times, some douchepickle is at the bar, drunk, chiefing on his cig, and when he goes to put it out, just smashes the damn thing into the ashtray and walks away. Leaving the pour, half cocked butt smoldering and letting off such a strong wave of stink and smoke, it's almost worse than secondhand blown in your face.

Please, for the love of God and Baby Jesus, even fucking Buddha...

Make sure the damn thing is put out. ALL THE EFFING WAY!

I like my job. I do not want it to burn down because of a trash fire caused by Your bad habit and douchey nature.

It literally takes an extra second to make sure the damn thing is put out all the way.

Everyone has their peeves, this is one of mine. I'd say it is pretty damn near the top of my list of Things I Fucking Hate About People.

So, in the future, while you are gratefully minding the direction of your exhalation, make sure the butt is out when your done. Otherwise, you will make Baby Jesus cry. And no one wants that...

If ever should you forget, or see some doucheknocker forget to put out his butt, start singing my song to them! It's fucking catchy!
And one person at a time, this song will catch in the minds of every person around the globe. And everyone will put out their butts properly, and no houses or places of business will burn down, and children will grow up with mothers and fathers, and world peace will ensue! (See? World Peace makes everything better! Sandwich theory, bitches!)

Well, maybe not quite that far.
But at least you won't have to hear me yell at you.

And trust me when I say, that is a saving grace.