Light Saber Penetration

This particular tale comes from a very dear friend of mine and fellow Bar Goon, Grant. Like myself, he has slaved away at various institutions in the corporate bar world, and one particular slave driver we both have in common is TGI Friday's. Luckily, I was able to escape this hellhole years ago, but my poor friend is still stuck on the reigns. At least he is head bar guy, makes his own schedule, and pretty much gets to do whatever the fuck he wants, so that works out. He also gets to bear witness to some pretty outrageous stories, very much like the one he told me last week, and I am about to reiterate to you fine readers now.

The setting is a four sided and quite large and colorful bar on a Saturday night. The bar isn't too crowded, but there are spots of patrons mingling about, drinking their dranks, conversing, trying to get that 'hook up,' and whatnot, when a couple comes in to join the party. The duo is a youngerish type husband/wife set who have come in to celebrate their anniversary. They get to drinking, hootin' and hollerin', having a merry-go-round type time, and of course, my Goon friend is having a great time with them getting them drunk and cracking jokes, doing what he does (with that wicked playboy smile.) Gotta make that money, honey!

Anyhoo, at some point in the evening when the couple has had several and are starting to get to that point in the night where one feels brave and invincible (you all know what I am talking about, real superman type shit) and the fella calls Grant over to them to strike up a convo. Superman says, "Hey man... this is a great place... Great food, great people, great decorations..." (yada yada yada) when his wife interrupts her hubbs to (thankfully) get to the point.

Wife: (interrupting the word vomit) "I want him to get a Jedi tattoo."

... ...... .........

Say wha??? FUCK YEAH! (Tattoos are a ROCKIN' idear when you have been sippin' the sizzurp!)


So, of course, my friend being the fellow nerd that he is, plays into this gesture and demand from the super fucking awesome Fangirl wife. They converse a bit about tattoos, what to get, what would be fun, what would be super badass to show the grandkids when yer 80, when my Goon friend gets the best idea ever.

Grant: (to wife) So, let me get this straight... This is your husband, correct?" (Points to dood). Wife nods and says 'Hell yeah!'
"And, this is your wife, correct?" (Says to hubbs and points to his wife sitting next to him.) Husband nods and Grant continues, "And you would do anything to please her, correct?"
Hubby places his hand over his heart and the other hand in the air in an 'I solemnly swear' type motion, "I would do anything for her."

"Alright then," Grant continues, that wicked smile spreading across his face, "Then here's what you do. Get a tattoo of a light saber on your Dick." (I imagine he says this with a completely straight face after the mischievous smile.)

Yup, he said it. He said what we were all thinking. Of course, when people talk about tattoos when they are drunk, EVERYTHING seems like a good idea. Of course, most of us do not actually follow through with these asinine plans, so it's cool to be all bark and no bite. No one actually expects anyone to get a light saber tattooed on their Dick.

So, the couple of course break out into riotous laughter, and joke about the suggestion with my friend for a bit. (Optimum penetration jokes and whatnot.) They continue to have a grand 'ole time, and eventually leave the bar, drunk and happy, and my friend has an interesting story to tell and a little more mula in his pocket.

But, the story does not end here.

Oh, no. No, no, it is far from over.

Don't go away, I haven't gotten to the punch line yet.

Wait for it....




Okay.

Monday rolls around and Grant is back at work, doing his thang, when the same husband from the other night walks in. Grant immediately recognizes him and says, "Wassup man? You're from the other night, right? How are things?"
Superman: "Hey man. Yeah, I remember you too. I was in the other night with my wife. Good times, bro! But, honestly, I could be doing better. I am a little tired and sore."
Grant: "Why, what's up man? Rough work out? (think the guy was wearing gym clothes or something...)
Superman: "Well, remember what we talked about the other night? The tattoo thing? Well..."

The guy starts to go for his trouser snake area and whips out his mini-Superman to reveal (dun dun dun) A FUCKING LIGHT SABER TATTOOED ON HIS DICK!!!


Yeah...
Way to go Superman! FUCKYEAH!!

But, (and I do not have said dick on which to get this awesome tat) I just imagine the pain? Holy fuckballs, how much would that fucking hurt??? And a bigger question made it's way to the forefront of my mind, Did he have to be hard the whole time he was getting pricked by inky needles? I imagine so. Did he down a bottle of Viagra before hand? HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS HAPPEN??? The process eludes me, but nevertheless, THIS GUY IS MADE OF FUCKING WIN!!!

So, the moral to this story is: Do not get tattoos when you are drunk. You will more than likely regret it in the morning.
That is of course unless you get a Light Saber tattooed on you Dick.
Then it is totally kosher.
Your wife will be happy she is getting penetrated by the coolest weapon ever created a long time ago, in a galaxy far far away...